And if they
extract something, what could it be, and how is it done?
Does this premium manure come without the usual intermingled
straw or shavings?And if so, does that mean that it is
caught before it hits the floor? What are the qualifications
one would need to get hired for such a unique duty? What would
a job like that pay? Would you earn your money by the hour, or
perhaps by the pound? And why just COW manure? What's the
matter with steer or bull?
That leads
me to believe that the males must be inferior, because once that
question came to mind, I remembered a sign I saw twenty years
ago on the road between Dover Foxcroft and Milo. The sign was
homemade, and was erected in front of a large barn. These
farmers were obviously of a laid-back nature, for they elected
to call their manure by a shorter and somewhat coarser term.
Nevertheless, the sign read "Cow (manure) $2.00 a truck-load!
All the bull you want-- FREE!" Apparently, even two decades ago
female bovine droppings were more precious!
And
finally, I puzzled, why would anyone feel the urge to BUY
premium cow manure when it is, after all, MANURE? A rose by any
other name, and all that! As you can see, this advertising
statement has raised many questions!
Now, while I AM curious, I'm NOT very smart.
I didn't know the answers to any of these questions! But I DID
discover recently, why vultures are bald! Many a night I have
tossed and turned, puzzled as to why this poor bird is doomed--
not only to eating carrion, but to being pug-ugly, as well.
Surely, in the Grand Scheme of Things, the Designer could have
said, "Well, we've got to have some critters who will eat up the
dead and rotting bodies that are bound to accumulate, but in
compensation, these animals will be beautiful!" But that didn't
happen, and I was sure there had to be a reason for it.
And there
is! Apparently, (or so I read) vultures don't have any feathers
on their heads for reasons of personal hygiene! When they delve
into their meals, there is an abundance of bacteria and fly
larvae, and without feathers for these to attach to, the birds
stay healthier, and spread less disease, too. Now, while that
sounds all well and good, and makes a certain amount of sense, I
must admit to being a tad baffled, still. I mean, think about
it! It's okay to EAT it, but for Heaven's sake, don't get any
on you!!
I know that as long as there are great
mysteries such as these, I won't have to worry about trying to
find something to keep my mind occupied! And for the record, I
did call three hardware stores and took informal surveys on what
made a cow manure "premium". I got answers that basically
amounted to "I don't know" at two places, although I admit that
I was probably speaking to a cashier or bookkeeper, and not a
fertilizer specialist. At the third store I was told that
“premium” meant the manure was unmixed, and "pure". They
sounded serious. Pure manure, huh? Isn't that an oxymoron?
I'm sorry, but that just doesn't work for me. In my opinion, a
premium manure would be without odor, and without cost. But I
guess if you're going to pay for it, you ought to at least get a
little scent for your money. I don't know.... I just don't
know.
Copyright 2002 Karen L. Pease
