I've always thought that I was a good wife.  Not perfect, of course-- in fact, far from it.  But yes, good.  I don't nag, I work with my husband to achieve our goals, I attempt to lighten his load and his mood, as well.  But I read something today that was a tremendous eye-opener; and if I believed everything I read, then this article would prove that I am actually a HORRIBLE wife!

         The article in question is from a publication called Housekeeping Monthly, and it was written in May of 1955.  Forty-five years ago was not in the Dark Ages, but I couldn't tell by reading this particular directive, titled The Good Wife's Guide.

 

            The piece details exactly what a good wife should do each day to prepare for her husband's arrival home from work.  Some of the suggestions are simple common courtesy, such as "Greet him with a warm smile" or "Listen to him." But then the article takes pains to define how a wife should acknowledge her spouse's superiority, with comments such as "Let him talk first- remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours."  Can you feel the burn, yet?  Or how about this advice?  "Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night.  Count this as minor as compared to what he might have gone through that day."   I'll tell you what!  Unless my husband was in charge of our country's atomic weapons and we'd been at DEFCON 3 or better all night long, he wants to know that a "complaint"  isn't what he could expect from me once he deigned to return home!  According to the author of this article, at the time the husband is due home, we wives should turn off all noises coming from washer, dryer or vacuum.  The children should be quiet, and washed up, with their hair combed and their clothes changed.  Because, of course, "they are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part."  Can you understand that none of this even fits into what it is like in our home?  Steven would be thrilled to hear the washer or dryer going when he walked in from work.  Then, we wouldn't have to have that common exchange at 4:00 A.M..  "Karen, do I have any clean socks?"  "Arrgh, ummph..." I reply, which isn't the answer he was looking for!  My children may be clean first thing in the morning, but by the time their Papa gets home, they are gross!  They love playing in the brook and the sand pile, and if getting dirty keeps them happy, who am I to interfere by getting out the pressure washer?  Of course, we would love to see them being quiet once in a while, but I think Steven loves their daily squeals of delight when he walks in the door, even better.

            The Good Wife's Guide also charges us wives to not ask questions about our husband's actions or question his judgment.  We must remember that he is the master of the home.  We have no right to question him!  The last sentence says, "A good wife knows her place."  Gag me with the spoon that I used to stir his relaxing after-dinner tea with! Or the dust cloth I used to run over the furniture before he arrived!  Or the ribbon I put in my hair so that I would be "fresh looking" after his day with work-weary people! Patooey!

            I love my husband.  I have been known to remove his boots, or to build a fire for him when he says "Brrr!" The article states that caring for his comfort will provide the wife with immense personal satisfaction, and I suppose that it does.  But to have it EXPECTED of me?  To be directed to do it?  To know that it is my "place"?  I beg to differ!  Or perhaps I should just say, "I differ!"  I don't see subservience to those levels as my position in life.  If my husband shows good judgment, then I am happy to trust in it.  If he's honest with me, I have no NEED to question him!  And if he feels the need to stay out all night, then fine!  I'll be happy to accompany him, or if that's not acceptable, I can give him the names of several nice boarding houses for homeless folks.

                Lucky for me, Steven doesn't feel that mine is an unequal role.  If he did, I think I could come up with "A Good Husband's Guide" to level the field of our relationship.  This guide would have several suggestions to help the husband ease the burdens that his wife carries.  Just a few examples would be: Don't expect your wife to clean up after you when you've been home all day and she's been working.  She doesn't expect you to scrub the house from top to bottom, but it would enrich her evening if the house was not a disaster when she arrived.  Don't leave tools on the kitchen counter when their storage spot is only a few feet away, or dirty socks on the floor when two more steps would take them to the hamper.  Don't give her "zerberts" when you have three days' worth of whiskers, or flap the blankets at her after wrestling with the after-effects of a cabbage dinner.  Cherish her, respect her, tell her she's beautiful even if she's not, and for pity's sake, feel free to be using the vacuum cleaner when she arrives home!

Copyright 2001 Karen L. Pease

 

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