My brother thought of firewood--

A treat he’d do without!

But Mum patted her belly,

"A new baby will come out!"

Since I was only seven

That great momentous Fall,

It raised a lot of questions ,

I had to know it all!

"Where did the baby come from?"

"How did it get in there?"

Poor Mum, she made a nervous face,

And leaned back in her chair.

"When two young people are in love,

And MARRIED THEY MUST BE!!

They get real close when they’re in bed,

And no-one else can see.

A little seed moves from the man

And travels to the wife

And enters in her tummy,

And starts a brand new life!"

My mother looked quite pleased and proud,

Such wisdom she had spread!

But oh! What silly images

Were running through my head!

What did this seed resemble?

A bean? A pea? Some corn?

And how’d it walk across the sheets?

My head was full of porn!!

Where did Dad keep these little seeds?

Why did he wait ‘til night?

They’d find my mother’s navel

Much better in the light!

My questions went unanswered--

Confusion filled my day.

I watched my mother’s stomach grow...

Then Peg was born in May!

She was a little darling,

So pretty and so sweet!

We had a little sister!

That really was a treat.

Peg grew into a woman,

So lovely, smart and warm.

And then she conquered Jeffrey Lane

With all her fatal charm!

And now it seems that Peggy--

-For the second time, so far--

Is giving love and shelter

To a seed from Jeffrey’s jar.

She’ll have another baby--

How wonderful! How nice!

But if she wants to stop at TWO

She’ll take this good advice!

Don’t let Jeff wear pajamas!

Or even shorts to bed!

And if the poor man gets too cold

Pull blankets ‘round his head.

For I’m sure now! If he’s naked...

If you can check and see...

He’ll have no place to hide the seed