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Here we are to celebrate the ending of an age… A man who is retiring, who’s known as quite a sage! I’m sure you all have heard of him; he’s famous here, of course. He is an awesome forester, my boss and friend: Dick Morse. For forty-two long years, our forests he has cruised. He’s looked out for their welfare; upon their health he’s mused. In addition to his woodsy work, he’s also supervisor Of the Southern Field Team in our state...because, of course, he’s wiser! He knows so very much, much more than we--his league of minions. Although, I really must confess…he asks us our opinions. Of course, he doesn’t LISTEN, for he knows the woods of Maine… But he humors us, pretending, just so we won’t complain. He thinks he’s really patient with his band of merry men… Made up of guys named Dennis, Peter, Paul and Ken. There’s also one named Morten, and then, of course, there’s Merle. But Dick’s most favorite merry ‘man’ is actually a GIRL! Since we cannot play favorites, I’ll mention NOT her name… We wouldn’t want her ostracized, nor riding on her fame! The call number of Fifty-one, now we won’t bother listen… No more will our team need to know his accurate position! His wife Diane is worried…will he now be underfoot? As fire chief, will he be daily tracking in the soot? She knows South China will be safe with Dick around the place. But she’s gotten quite accustomed to enjoying her own space. He’s always liked his shut-eye…he hates to leave his bed… Where once he rose by seven…will it be noon instead? She thinks she knows her husband…transparent is her mate. He’ll laze around; do nothing! That seems to be her fate. Dick’s known as a conservative within Maine Conservation, But that is just a pretense, to preserve his reputation! He cheated on a little test, provided by our trainers… He claimed he was the ‘middle’, when he’s really ALL ‘right-brainer’! As soon as Mr. Richard Morse takes off his uniform He’ll follow his philosophy—to liberal thought conform! You may think he’s Republican, for that’s what he purports… But GOP does not condone the causes he supports! He voted for Obama, to that he now admits! McCain was just not worthy, and Palin gave him fits! He’s going to trade his Blazer, for though it’s ‘colored’ green It is too anti-ozone! He wants his Hybrid seen! So, too, he will throw out those songs he’s suffered through for years. How sick he is of country tunes, and ‘crying in your beer’! No more of Cash or Waylon, Hank Williams is so foul… Roger Miller drives him nutty, he can’t stand Conway’s growl! Loretta Lynn and coal mines… Good God, that is such crap! From now on, it’s his real love! Some acid rock and rap! Of course, poor Brit will have to go; purebreds are not approved! It’s mutts and shelter puppies, to get into the grove! Now that Dick is retired, his feet will hit the streets He’ll plead for social medicine with all the folks he meets. He’ll carry signs in favor of closing Gitmo Bay, He swears it is inhuman to lock our foes away. He thinks that men who sometimes plot to kill both ME and YOU Should not be labeled ‘terrorists’, for they are people, too! Dick leads a band of PETA. And Greenpeace is his faction… ‘Cause eating meat from fish and game should not bring satisfaction! And we do not need leather, despite the claims of whiners! We would do well to buy our goods made cheaply there in China! He thinks it is our duty to help those with empty plates… He shouts, ‘Buy our goods overseas, not in these 50 states!’ Planned Parenthood is his pet cause, he volunteers his time. And beggars on the streets all know he’ll give them his last dime. He now will smoke quite openly… before he did not dare To light up those old Camels, and get those scornful stares! His hero, our new president, admits he likes a smoke… So Dick will light up in a crowd, and often take a toke. You see, my friends, our Dick is not as ‘old school’ as he seems. Like martyr, Martin Luther King, he also has a dream. He wants to see our government take care of everyone. He wants to see our countrymen be stripped of all their guns. He thinks we are too militant, what are we fighting for? He’s fond of telling others, ‘Make love, do not make war!’ We colleagues who are left behind…we may not share your creed, But as you leave the Service—a group hug’s what we need!
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